Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one
~W.C. Fields
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
~Robert A. Heinlein
Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing
~Sean Williamson
The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more
~Colleen McCullough
A career woman has to look like a LADY,
act like MAN
and work like a DOG !!
~Ness :)
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy
~Benny Hill
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult
~Charlotte Whitton
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
~Emo Philips
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
~Katharine Hepburn
My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's Ok!
~Jay Leno
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon
~Tim Allen
You don't know a women till you've met her in court
~Norman Mailer
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both
~Samuel Butler
A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man's certainty
~Rudyard Kipling
At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.'
~Mark Klein
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run
~Phyllis Diller
A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after
~Gloria Steinem
What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?
~Ellen DeGeneres
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend
~Marcel Achard
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house
~Lewis Grizzard
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Learn like everyone you meet. Look at two goods points or traits. You’ll always find them. Whoever he is, even a murderer, he has more fine point than bad.
Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost
There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity
The Old Year has goneLet the dead past bury its own deadThe New Year has taken possession of the clock of timeAll hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!
The amount you laugh in your relationships with others is the true measure of the health of your personality.