I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away
~Nancy Mitford
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
~Dick Cavett
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive
~Roseanne Barr
I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: "Hello, goodbye, and I'm pregnant
~Dean Martin
Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off
~Ralph Bus
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up
~Phyllis Diller
To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years
~Ernest Hemingway
There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age
~Benjamin Spock
When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief
~Henry Fielding
The trouble with children is that they're not returnable
~Quentin Crisp
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
~Bill Cosby
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex
~Bill Maher
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It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission
Make sure to send a lazy man the angel of death
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost
I'm an experienced woman; I've been around... well, alright, I might not've been around, but I've been... nearby.
The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention